You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
