I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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