Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
