So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
