Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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