he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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