I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
