So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
