And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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