do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
