Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
