There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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