so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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