i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
