i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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