the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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