he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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