There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
