She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
