I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
