I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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