i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
