I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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