Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
