Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize