you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
