this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize