I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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