may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
