even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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