So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize