I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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