Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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