Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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