Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
