Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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