So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were destined to go to rehab together
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize