I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
