I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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