Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
