and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
