Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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