Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
