Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
