so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
