dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
