Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
