Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and she was petting her beer can
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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