margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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