never play flip cup with pint glasses
I look better un-naked...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
