Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
