i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
