She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
