my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
