He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
