I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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