At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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