no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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