if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
