I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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