i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
