I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
