Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
