I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
