So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
