last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
God, I missed his penis.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
