worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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