Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
