think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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