Have you finally orgasmed yet?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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