Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
